yesterday i was driving down the arlington
a wide, tree-lined avenue that stretches for miles
and runs through berkeley to the el cerrito hills
and has a view of the glittering bay
it was 67 degrees and warm in a weird way
my windows were down
my arm hung out of the driver's side
my hand was tracing wind
an old man waited at the curb
i waved him on and he smiled at me
slowly raising a wrinkled hand in gratitude
a plaid-clad arm in thanks
a blue truck with a pointed grille guard,
two men in the front cab,
tore through the crosswalk
tore through the man
i hadn't heard flesh hit metal like that
he bounced off the hood,
legs and arms flailed like a fledgling from a nest
i hadn't heard bones hit the ground like that
i stayed stalled at the crosswalk
and looked in my sideview mirror;
the truck danced around a curve without slowing
i think it sped up
the rest is hard to remember
my car pulled over next to the guardrails
a fine mist of blood, maybe six drops
clung to my left headlight
i stood on the curb and couldn't look at him
yet couldn't look away
a pile of blue flannel and denim
now purple, now violet
a screaming woman, maybe two
shards of matter
i didn't know if they were skull or glass
they shone all the same
the smell of iron and rubber, of marrow and death
an older couple called an ambulance
and told me to go, that i was too young
the husband held his wife's face into his shoulder, away from the crumpled mess
on the drive home
i heard nothing but birds and stereo static
and saw nothing but brake lights and my own shaking hands on the wheel
and felt nothing. nothing
i turned into my driveway, parked
wiped away the blood with my sleeve and my spit
and walked through my front door
i didn't tell my mom what happened, how could i?
in my room i thought about war
and how my neighborhood is a family neighborhood
and how fast pounds of metal can go
and how fragile, how impossible people are
i thought about the way the wind changed
the tide had gone out
the sound, the buzzing and choked words
the sight, blurry life in a puddle
today i drove down the arlington
a wide, tree-lined avenue that stretches for miles
and runs through berkeley to the el cerrito hills
and has a view of the glittering bay